Mixed Feelings

Every month of May is busy busy around here!  We have Maddy's Birthday, Mother's Day, recital preparations, the end of school year hustle, Memorial Day weekend plus a slew of birthdays, anniversaries & out of town visitors... and because of my new employment it's been even busier!  As happy as I am to be back to work, a part of me feels guilty that I can't devote 200% of my attention to my girls every moment of every day anymore.  I have to rely on help from my husband, family & friends make my schedule work.  So far everything is balancing out well, but we're all still adjusting. 

Here's my girls at the waterpark & at home on Maddy's Birthday... for more about her birthday celebrations & Mother's Day hop over to our family blog.

All this busyness & getting back to work has stirred up some mixed feelings.  My girls are growing up so fast... Maddy is now 8 and going through a major maturity spurt.  I accepted a long time ago that she is growing up but now Mikayla is a few short weeks away from turning 4.  It's just now sinking in how fast my baby is maturing too and I've been a little emotional about it. When Maddy turned 4, I was 8.75 months pregnant with Mikayla so I guess it was easier for me to digest that my first born was growing up because I had another baby on the way.  With no immediate or definite plans to get pregnant again, I worry that I have made the best of these young & tender years.  What could I have done better? How many memories am I already forgetting? Unless I look at pictures or video, it's hard for me to even remember my girls as babies!  Time goes by so fast, and it seems the older we get the faster the years go.  It's a confusing time for me.  I am so happy that I have a great husband, a home, a job and of course two beautiful, healthy, spirited daughters... but I wish I could freeze time or better yet, rewind it.

Unfortunately, life doesn't come with an instruction manual or a DVR remote.  Despite my mixed feelings about working & how fast my girls are growing up, one things for certain, I love Maddy & Mikayla with all of my heart, being their Mom is and always will be my greatest gift.  I am so blessed and I can't imagine life without my daughters.  As hard as it is, I have to look forward, fasten my seat belt & enjoy the ride wherever it takes me, or how fast it takes me.